About Me

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I am an INTP by personality type - a dreamer, thinker, theorist. My head is full of ideas, equations, concepts and musings, and I live in a world of theoretical possibilities. I am focussed internally, live in my own mind, and think things through rationally and logically. I am the archetypical "absent-minded professor", and the external world of material possessions and concerns is only of minor importance to me. I value insight, knowledge, understanding and wisdom above all else; I love new ideas, and often loose myself in abstractions and theoretical constructs which few others understand or care about. I enjoy discussing such things with like-minded people, and can get very passionate about explaining and proliferating my ideas. I dislike maintenance-type and routine tasks, which very quickly bore me, and as a result I am often not very good at those, even though in principle I would be perfectly well capable.
I am shy, socially awkward, and intensely dislike large crowds of people, or very noisy and busy situations. I do not particularly enjoy leading or managing others, but over the years I have learned to do so if required. I have little to no regard for subjectivity, and place no value on appearances or materialism; this often puts me in a position where I am not well equipped to deal with how most others are feeling, or to handle their emotional needs. On the other hand though, I am very empathic and receptive to others' emotions, so this creates a source of internal stress and tension for me on occasion. I often come across as distant, dreamy, and generally out-of-tune; I am regarded as the odd one out, and seldom fit into preconceived roles and expectations. On the other hand, I very quickly grasp highly complex abstract concepts, and often understand the larger context of something before anyone else in a group; I am good at coming up with new ideas, but then very much prefer to leave the practical implementation of those to others.
Expectations, predefined roles, morals, mores, codes, and any other artificial constructs of society mean nothing to me. I regard these with suspicion and even resentment, since I consider them to be obstacles to the way I wish to live my life. As such, I find my own ways to live, and often those ways are not in accord with what society at large considers normal, or even acceptable - because of this I experience a lot of blank stares, rejections, sarcasm, and on occasion even open hostility. I take these as par for the course, and while my rejection by society often makes me cynical, it also makes me all the more determined to go my own way.
Given this, I consider myself independent, self-sufficient, unconventional, and in a sense somewhat original and unique. Self-aggrandisement ? Perhaps that too, but so what ? That's just me. I don't hold traditional values such as security, popularity and material success in any kind of high regard; really, these things don't mean anything to me. I look behind such constructs, and seek to understand the universe in deeper ways.

Interestingly, I have a very spiritual side too - I have always been of the opinion that rationality and spirituality are in no way contradictory, but rather just two sides of the same coin, and hence complementary. I have a strong fascination with naturalism, Zen, mindfulness, minimal living / tiny house movements, herbology, alternative and holistic medicine, permaculture and organic farming, and alternative ways to live in general. Had I been born two decades earlier, I would have probably ended up on the hippie trail - and I mean that as something positive.

My outlook on life is that modern society as we have it at present is fundamentally flawed, because it is based on detachment from nature, and on the premise that you are what you own, rather than the difference you have made. Money is the new God, and it is chased just for the sake of it, rather than for a higher purpose. Any philosophy that deviates from this is regarded with suspicion, and actively discouraged in various ways. People live to pay bills and die; they search for happiness, yet fail to realise that the very act of searching itself is what stops them from ever finding it. Hence, the purpose I have set for myself is to find a better way - a way that is actually sustainable, that has meaning, that runs deep. Anything else just simply does not make sense to me. And so I will search, and when I find it I will be the difference, and set an example for others to follow. At the end of the day, that is how you affect change - by being the difference, by actually doing something, rather than just having an opinion.

Welcome to me.